How would it be to have sex for hours on end if you wished?
To stay turned on for days and weeks?
To keep the connection with your lover alive, instead of closing down and pushing her away?

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How would it be to feel more present, vital and clear?
More full, charged, and confident?
And to experience full-body orgasms and full-bodied pleasure
that lasts much longer and goes way deeper than a 5-minute ejaculatory orgasm?

All of this is possible if you learn to ride the waves of your sexual energy
instead of letting them have their way with you.

Our powerful biology

I understand full well what a challenge it can be to let go of ejaculation.

It’s one of our strongest biological urges to reproduce,
and once those three million sperm cells start pointing towards the exit
it can feel very hard to stop them.

“Why would I even want to?” I hear some of you ask.
Because, indeed, it feels very nice to ejaculate.
It’s a release of tension, it’s a moment of relief, of blissful surrender.

But it’s also very brief. It’s over in a few seconds. That’s it.

Wouldn’t it be nice to experience that pleasure for much, much longer?
To feel like you actually have a choice about it?
To have sex make you feel more alive, instead of sleepier?

Now there’s nothing wrong with coming in itself.
As I said, it’s a perfectly natural biological urge that we have.
But it’s also a place where you can experience disempowerment,
shame and failure.

For instance if you ejaculate prematurely,
if you can only last a few minutes after penetration,
or if you experience problems with your erection.

This sense of not being in control, being ruled by your cock:
it sucks balls man! And not in a good way.

Sexual Cultivation

So this is where sexual cultivation comes in.
It’s first and foremost about learning to disassociate sexual pleasure
from the need to ejaculate.

If every time you get turned on, you need to come,
that’s basically what we call an addiction.

It controls you, instead of the other way around. You have no say in it.
And as long as that’s the case, you’ll never experience what else is possible.

Sexual cultivation practice and ejaculatory choice

Ejaculation or not, it’s a real choice. You can decide if it’s gonna happen or not.
In the beginning of your practice it might not seem that way,
but if you really look at it, there’s always a moment in which you “decide” to cum.

You can also decide not to. I suggest you make that decision before you have sex,
otherwise it’s gonna be quite a challenge.

Start letting the goal of sex be the pleasure in itself,
instead of the previous end goal of ejaculation.

The wave of sexual energy and your point of no return

If the wave of your sexual energy goes from 0% (no arousal at all)
to 100% (ejaculation), then somewhere around 90% is your point of no return.
This is the point beyond which you no longer have any control.

Your mind is totally convinced that coming is the best thing in the world right now,
and you are going to ejaculate.

In order to avoid this, you need to become aware of the wave of your sexual pleasure.
And when you have sex, either with yourself or with a lover,
learn to stay below that threshold.
Way below, especially at first.

Whenever you feel your sexual “voltage” rising towards that point of no return,
take a breather, literally. Take a moment. Rest, relax, before you continue.

Spread the energy throughout your body

When you have regular sex, you build a lot of arousal in your balls and cock.
And the hornier you become, the less controllable it is.
This creates a pressure, or tension, to which at some point the only solution
seems to be to throw it out of your body.

The art is to find another way to liberate the energy,
preferably before it builds up to this point.

Ejaculation is about relief.
But there are much better ways to find both relief, and greater pleasure.

Energy flows where attention goes

Wherever you point your attention, that’s where energy starts flowing.
Bring awareness to your hand and it starts tingling, or gets warm.
Whatever you do to direct the attention to other parts of your body, works.

Breathe deeply – Full deep breaths will be of amazing benefit to spread
the sexual energy throughout your body, and it will enable you
to feel much deeper pleasure.

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Make sounds – Most men have the tendency to block the flow when things get really hot.
Either they stop breathing (great recipe for fast ejaculation!)
or they’re completely silent, which is totally unnatural!

Be the fucking animal you are man: Moan, groan, sigh, breathe, scream if you want!
Experience the enormous relief it gives, and how great it feels to give yourself permission.

Move your body – Don’t be a stiff, allow your body to move in any way that feels pleasurable.
If you need to, get up and move around, jump up and down, do push-ups,
dance, shake. Whatever it takes.

Take a cold shower for heaven’s sake! – You’ve heard of this trusted method.
This works especially good when you find yourself with a lot of built-up sexual tension,
and you don’t know how to deal with it.

A cold shower is such an intense stimulant,
that your focus will shift. No doubt about it.
Success guaranteed, heaven indeed!

The Heart Connection

I’ve learned a lot of sexual techniques in my life,
but without a connection to my heart, a vital link is missing.
Not only does it feel much better to stay connected with the flow of love,
it’s also of very practical benefit:

What usually happens, is that when you get really turned on,
your sole focus goes to your cock and “his desires”,
and you lose connection with your heart.

If you make sure that you stay connected with your heart, it’s much easier
to handle the flow of sexual energy and keep it inside your body.

Don’t make this into a difficult or spiritual thing.
Placing a hand on your heart creates the connection already.
Looking into your partner’s eyes. Kissing. Breathing into your chest.
Thinking thoughts that make you feel love.

These things create a direct energetic link to your heart, and will open it.

Solo Cultivation and Cool Arousal

Whether you have a partner or not, you can always practice by yourself.
The first step is to learn being aroused without it needing to end in spilling your seed.

Cool arousal is a state of slight arousal in which you do feel some sexual energy,
but it’s still very easy to handle, and doesn’t urge you towards orgasm.

An easy practice is to hold one hand on your balls, and the other on your heart.
Simply that. Nothing else.
You might get an erection, you might not.

Notice what this feels like for you.
It’s not about getting turned on. There’s no goal, other than to be with it.
Do this for a few minutes, and then go over to your daily business.

This is a great place to start.
It’s good to realize that your whole system is wired to associate masturbation
with it’s previous end goal of ejaculation.
This practice will help you to create a new pathway for yourself.

Porn and Fantasy

The last thing I want to mention if you really want to learn this stuff:
do it without porn or fantasies.

Especially porn is designed to trigger the urge to ejaculate on such a primal level,
that you’re basically fooling yourself if you think you can handle it.

Just sayin’…

The Challenge

Are you willing to go for 30 days without ejaculating?

I promise that if you do, you’ll experience a change within yourself
that you didn’t think possible.

Words don’t teach, but experience does: The only way for you to know something,
is by actually trying it out.

I suggest you give yourself the opportunity, even if it’s only once in your life,
to experience sex, sexual arousal, and full-on life energy without ejaculation.

You’ll be amazed.

Share your experience

If you have experience in these practices, share!
Maybe you want to add something. Maybe you want to tell your story.
Please do!

Thanks for reading, and good luck!
Roald

It’s been many years since I started practicing tantra.
And for me, two of the most important “addictions” to let go of,
have been the lust for porn and the desire for ejaculation.

Why? First and foremost to have incredible sex for hours on end, and to deepen
my experience of sex, relationships and intimacy in amazing ways.

But also because of the belief, and some scientific research to back it up,
that these tendencies will weaken me, make me lose my masculine power,
my presence and sexual attractiveness.

There’s a lot to be said for this, and I highly recommend letting go of porn
and the need for ejaculation
to any man who wants to experience his full potential.

At the same time though, my motivation was mixed with shame and fear:
That it would make me feel insecure, imbalanced, invisible to women.
Basically, a loser.

Where I stand now

At this point in my life I’ve almost completely let go of watching porn,
and can refrain from ejaculating for more than a month if I choose.

But there’s still some shame, fear and guilt in the mix.
And that’s what this article is about.

My Story

Here’s my own story of last week, and my learning:
“It’s been several weeks now, of being sexually active
and enjoying great attraction with women.

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Then one night I just feel so charged: it’s too much!
I’m having a hard time handling all this energy in my body,
and I decide to masturbate and “throw it out”.

Unfortunately, I forget to actually enjoy it, and feel like crap afterwards:
I judge myself, afraid that I will lose my inner balance,
feel insecure and small, and be less attractive.

Translation: “Receive no validation from women and feel low self worth”.
Ouch!

A new day

Then the next day, a dear friend of mine reminds me of a powerful principle:
When you truly believe something, that’s what you’re going to experience.

I see: I programmed myself to be afraid of ejaculation,
and have created so much stress with that belief!

The next day, I decide to make a better, though unconventional, choice:
After meditating on it, I navigate to my favorite porn site.
It’s been ages since the last time I watched.

I decide to take my time, at least an hour,
and really, thoroughly enjoy it.

Full on pleasure

As I watch the beautiful, sexy, gorgeous women on my screen,
I take deep breaths into my belly, as I moan and groan my excitement.

I actually express my appreciation and love for them:
For their beauty, the way they turn me on, totally excite me,
and how alive they make me feel.

Through these images, I feel like I connect to all the women I desire.
I’m talking to them on my screen (yes, yes, I know…):
”I love you, I love you, thank you for being so fucking gorgeous!”

And it feels awesome: I am totally hard, with a full-on open heart.

It’s so good to be in this space of pleasure and appreciation,
and to allow my lust, love and enjoyment fully.
Even when watching porn, something I’ve condemned for so long.

After more than an hour of immense pleasure, I decide to come.
And it is glorious. I totally love it.

I feel incredibly loving and open afterwards.
And the feeling stays with me.”

Unapologetic

It feels, in that moment, like I’m letting go layers of judgment and shame
that have been in place for quite a while.

Instead of listening to my negative programming on this subject,
I decide to follow my feelings.
And trust my “counter-intuitive” intuition.

So here’s the message I want to convey today:
Self-judgment, pain and shame can sometimes motivate us
to stop doing things we’re addicted to.

But there comes a point when it’s appropriate to be a full YES
to whatever lives inside of us.
To fully allow what is there, so that it can relax and release it’s stranglehold.

It’s about learning to be unapologetic about who you are,
what you desire and whatever weirdness is uniquely you.

Letting go of shame

One of the most powerful ways to let go of shame,
is to actually share the exact thing you feel ashamed of.
Shine a light on it, bring it out of the shadows,
and find out that it’s actually not such a big thing.

This is something that we create a safe space for in the Real Men Project.
A space of brotherhood support and honesty,
in which you can unapologetically be yourself.

Where you’re accepted, just as you are.
And then take that out into the world.

Ok, let’s talk:

What do you recognize?
What are you ashamed of?
What would you like to bring out of the shadows?

Comment anonymously if it feels too scary.
Let’s chat and open it up!

Roald

P.S. If you enjoyed this article, feel free to share it with your friends.
And if you want to dive deeper, our Sexual Power Program starts next month.
Check it out!

Why does she keep testing me?

Have you ever had a woman try you out, challenge you or (shit-)test you?
Has it ever seemed like she was trying to get you confused and off-balance?
If so, you know what I mean.

Why is it that women test us?
Isn’t life challenging enough without it?
Can’t we just simply get along?

Testing can happen for several reasons, but the main reason I see is this one:
She wants to know if she can really trust you.

You might say: But I am trustable! I am honest, just ask my friends!
Well, that’s not exactly the kind of trust that a woman is after.

What she’s longing for, is to feel she can safely surrender to you.
It’s where you say: ”I got this”, and you actually do.

Trust

Many women that I meet have some issue with trusting men.
It’s much more common than we realize.

Somewhere along the way boundaries have been crossed,
and their trust was violated.

I’ll be the first to admit that I have crossed my fair share of boundaries.
I’ve been an asshole and an untrustworthy fucker at times.

So I’m not pretending to be better than I am.
We’re in this together.

Now I imagine you saying: “Hey, but what about the women?”
And of course, women aren’t holy creatures either.

We all mess up from time to time.

The point

But for the sake of the article, that’s not the point here.
The question is: “What cando and be, to (re)gain the trust of a woman,
so that she will open to me?”.

How can you have her surrender her gorgeous beauty, for both to enjoy?
I mean, that’s the nectar that we all want to drink right?

How awesome does it feel to have a woman open up to you in deep trust,
in all of her juiciness, lusciousness and wildness?
How grand, powerful and king-like does it feel when that happens?

And how small, insecure and like failure can it feel when she doesn’t?

Macho’s and wimps

(Generalizing-alert, but stay with me for a moment):

In a world where she sees many insensitive macho’s on the one hand,
and a bunch of sensitive wimps on the other,
it can feel hard for a woman to really surrender.

On the one hand she wants to protect her boundaries,
lest she might be taken advantage of.

On the other hand she’s tired of reassuring guys, and telling them what to do,
because they’re too much of a nice guy to take initiative.

Damn, it’s a complicated case.

Presence and integrity

What most women long for, is a man who has an embodied presence
(he’s not just a talking head), so she can trust him to actually be here now.

He is able to stay present and open with the different tides of emotions,
which will have her trust that their connection won’t be broken,
even when the seas get rough.

He is sensitive, so she can trust him to make a real connection and feel into her.

He knows what he does and doesn’t want, so she can trust him to be in integrity
with his values, even when she doesn’t like it.

She can trust that his “no” means no, and his “yes” really means yes.

Energetic Beings

Women are very receptive beings. A woman can feel your presence in her body.
She feels the impact you have on her,
even without actually touching or talking to you.

If you hold yourself in a way that is tense or resistant,
if you’re suppressing certain feelings,
a woman often senses this before you can.

When you disallow a certain feeling, she will feel in her body,
what you don’t want to feel in your body.
And therefore associate you with that tension.

If, on the other hand, you can stay present & open with your inner state,
whether it’s pleasant or unpleasant,
she will feel presence and openness with you, and associate you with that.

Embodied Presence

If you practice embodied presence, for instance by meditating, bodywork,
movement practice, breath work and the likes,
this will enable you to 
stay present with your own deeper feelings.

This will make you more attractive to a woman, because she unconsciously senses
that you can hold space for more energy than the average guy.

Which means more space for her to fully be.
All that she is.

And all of her she doesn’t even know yet…

The 10-step Plan.
Not.

If you want to gain a woman’s trust and surrender,
there aren’t any particular moves to make or things to say.
There isn’t a 10-step plan to accomplish.

There’s no short-cut.
The only way is to do your inner work.

By feeling your body, and accessing your emotions and feelings,
you pave the way to being a man who is trustworthy and in integrity.

By looking in the so-called mirror, open to what you meet on ever deeper levels,
you become the kind of man who is deeply trustworthy.
A man who knows what he stands for, and finds honour in that.

This has a woman trust and open up to you in ways that go beyond your wildest dreams.
And hers.

No tricks, just authentic presence.
You don’t have to be perfect. None of us are.
It’s a continuous journey, and so far there’s no end in sight…

Roald

Sex, addiction and the Feminine

It’s been such an eye-opener for me to learn about
the connection between brain chemistry, sex and addiction.
Plus: How it relates to what we call “The Feminine”.

What it taught me is that everything that alivens us,
can also debilitate us if we don’t stay present.

Whenever you use pleasure to distract yourself
from what you really feel,
sooner or later you’re gonna get screwed.

The dopamine connection

Let me explain a bit about brain chemistry,
and in particular about this thing called dopamine.
I’ll keep it simple (check some science here), but let me say this:

Whenever we have an experience of “wanting” something (or someone)
that’s the feeling of dopamine in our bodies.

For example: When you meet someone new and exciting,
when you want that bar of chocolate,
when you’re having sex and feeling totally turned on: that’s it.

Instant Gratification

Unfortunately, our current society offers dopamine on steroids.
Around every corner we have multiple opportunities
for instant gratification of our desires.

And as you know, whenever you give in to a desire too much,
it screws you over.
It leaves you feeling depleted, and it actually destabilizes your brain chemistry.

When your dopamine levels are off balance, you can experience anything from
anxiety to depression, compulsive thinking, addictive tendencies, mood swings,
aggression and more.

Believe me, I’ve been there and experienced them all.

How you do anything is how you do everything

What I want you to get is this: the way you are sexually,
and the way you deal with your feelings (or not),
are very intimately connected.

If you really get that being sexually empowered is all about
the ability to feel deeply without running away from it,
then you’ve struck gold.

Get this, and you’re there.
Oh yeah, and by the way: this applies to your whole life.
But you got that already, right?

“How you do anything, is how you do everything”.

What’s your favorite addiction?

So what is it for you? What’s your favorite?
It’s ok, we all have something (or multiple things).

What do you use to distract yourself, to numb yourself, to zone out?
Is it work? Gaming? Alcohol? Caffeine? Drugs? Got a sweet tooth? Porn?
Ah, it must be food then. Compulsive thinking perhaps?

If you want to feel your Sexual Power, yet keep this part unconscious,
you’re basically shooting yourself in the foot.

It’s like opening up, and closing yourself down at the same time.

Step one: Awareness

I’m not talking about being perfect, or becoming a monk.
It’s about being aware: When do you use what
to avoid being with certain feelings?

Just that. No judgment.

Whenever you numb yourself like this,
you’re using your habit as a substitute for the Feminine:

There is a deeper longing for the beauty, the aliveness, the softness,
fullness and radiance of Life itself.

And your addiction is a mere surrogate.

The invitation

I invite you to make a deeper connection here.
Be honest with yourself. Bring awareness to it.

This will teach you to ride with the intensity of your Power,
instead of being enslaved by it.

Now over to you

As always, I enjoy having a conversation with you.
Share in the comments below:
1. What is your “favorite” habit?

And anything else you want to talk about, regarding this subject.
Speak soon!

Roald

P.S.  Here you can read more about the Sexual Power Program

Picture: “Modern Prison” by Banksy

It’s about Time

Lately I’ve seen myself using my digital devices -my screens- much more than I’d like.
I already have an addictive tendency, and I find it tricky sometimes
to relate to these devices in a way that feels truly healthy and holistic.

They make up such a big part of our lives in this age:
Serving business purposes, finding information and staying up-to-date,
connecting socially, for entertainment, and as a means to find instant gratification.

In a way I love my laptop and smartphone. They’re such nifty little devices.
They make life easier, and open up endless possibilities.
On the other hand they give me a headache, sometimes literally.

Because when I use them it feels like my mind gets fragmented.
They’re so full of enticing potential distractions,
I need quite a lot of self-discipline to use them in a way that feels nourishing.

Drastic Measures

So I made a resolve: I’m going on a digital detox.

There are many ways to do this, but my particular strategy is to basically ban digital devices from my home.
Some steps need to be taken fully, because halfway is simply not going to cut it.

Otherwise it would be like trying to quit sugar, and having a cupboard full of sweets,
while telling myself: ”I will simply not have them”.
Yeah right!

I still use my trusty little gadgets whenever I’m out of the house,
for instance when I travel, or when I go to my favorite wifi-place in town.

But whenever I’m at home, it’s distraction-free time. Well, at least digital distraction.
I’ll have books, plants, nature, real human connection, music, silence, that sort of stuff.

Dedicate and commit

My initial detox will be one month, but my intention is to form a habit for life.
I will dedicate my time to being here and now for real.

I expect to feel more relaxed, take things slower and have more time.
More time to read, more time to dance, more time for friends.
Time to sense, and simply be.

Research

Here’s some research I found on something that seems to be quite epidemic in our modern world*:

  • 61% admit to being addicted to the internet and their devices
  • 67% of cellphone owners find themselves compulsively checking their device
  • 50% of people prefer to communicate digitally than in person
  • Heavy internet users are 2.5 times more likely to be depressed
  • High Social Media use can trigger an increase in loneliness, jealousy and fear
  • The average employee spends 2 hours a day recovering from distractions

The cure for addiction is connection

Here’s a very interesting little clip on addiction.

In short, what it shows is that we people have a natural inclination to seek connection.
It’s hardwired in our biology.

Whenever we lack real connection in our lives, we’ll seek to connect to something else.
Like a screen for instance. Or a substance.
It’s just the way we work.

In this “digital world” it can seem harder to have that real connection with
people when it’s so easy to connect digitally.

I feel fortunate to be part of a big network of dancers, bodyworkers, tantric practitioners,
authentic men and conscious women, so it’s relatively easy to make that connection.

Even so, I still find myself getting hooked from time to time.
Which is probably due to living with computers from the age of six.

It’s hard for me to imagine what it must be like for the generation that is born
into today’s world of IPhones and IPads.
Attention deficit anyone?

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Welcome to the Real World

So yes: I’m going to disconnect from the virtual world,
in order to connect more deeply to the real world.

Here’s where it’s at:
The here and now, the only place in town, or anywhere else for that matter.

So how about you?
If you’re honest to yourself, do you recognize this issue?

How might some form of digital detox serve you?
Or maybe you want to learn how I go about making this work?

Let me know in the comments, and let’s inspire each other
to a real and more connected way of living.

Thanks for reading!
Roald

.

.

*Resource: digitaldetox.org

Lately I’ve noticed myself resting a lot.
Taking it easy.
Connecting to friends. Giving and receiving hugs.

Letting go of the idea that in order to get somewhere, I have to work hard first.
A notion that seems quite epidemic in our society.

Very ironic, because what is it that we want to reach?
A state of completion? The end goal? Success?

And how will we feel when we reach that goal?
Rested and at peace perhaps?

Being a good boy

Fuck it, I’m taking the shortcut.
I don’t feel lazy though, I’m just deciding to throw years of programming to the wind.

Years of being a good boy, working hard, and especially: believing that life ain’t easy.
Because: “Watch out, feeling good is dangerous”.

Oh, and: “You have to do it all by yourself”.
And: “You’ll never be good enough”.

Being a person

I don’t know about you, but most people I meet believe these things at some level.
Working so hard for a little bit of love, and some scraps of inner peace.

Until at some point you just feel burned up, wrung out, exhausted.
Tired of trying to be a somebody. A person in this world.
Wearing your mask.

Do you recognize this?

How would it be to feel safe enough to drop the charade?
To “just” be yourself, as you are, without hiding how you really are?
To be real?

What we already are

As you know, that’s what I’m all about.
Because being real equals being natural.

Being natural is being without effort, without trying so hard.
I believe most of our efforts are in order to feel loved, and seen, and safe.

And the idea to work for years and years towards some goal on the horizon
that might never actually happen, feels sad.

“I just need to finish this, and then I’ll give myself permission
to be happy and at peace…”

“Right now I’m just not good enough yet. This and this and this needs to change,
and then…”

Wow…can you feel it?
So yes, how about a moment’s rest?

How about realizing that what we are is not what we do?
And what we are, is already the case. We can’t work towards it.
We can only allow ourselves to realize it.

Ahh…

I once asked a friend of mine:”How do you know you’re enlightened?”,
and he answered:”That’s the same as asking a duck to prove it’s a duck”.
It’ll just answer by saying “Quack”.

We are all, already “enlightened”:
Natural. Real.
We just don’t realize it yet.

Deep rest

So back to taking some rest.
I’m not so much talking about lying down, sleeping, doing nothing,
though that can be part of it.

What I mean with resting, is allowing yourself to stop doing things
that feel like work,
and allow your actions to arise from inspiration, enthusiasm and a sense of:
”This is what I want”.

Now before you start saying that’s impossible because of all your obligations,
just check in with yourself: Does it resonate?

How would it be to live a life in which you follow your inspiration,
all of the time?
How mind-blowing would that be?

And all your obligations: who put them there in the first place?
Were you sleeping, and then suddenly: ”WTF?”

Inner compass

I believe that wherever you are right now,
it’s possible to create more space for your real self.
To live in a way that feels good, and to use your feelings
as your compass.

Yes, it’s actually allowed to do things because they feel good,
and for that reason alone.
Can you give yourself permission for that?

Watch out: Tiger!

I know for me that’s been -and still is- quite a mind shift.

We’re so programmed to put in lots of effort before we
allow ourselves to be happy.
“Something might go wrong if I don’t work hard!”

Yet, you are still here, after all these years.
You still exist. Despite of all your fuck-ups and failings.
You are here, and you are ok.

Without any imminent threat to your life in this moment.
And if not, what the fuck are you doing reading this?
Get up and run!!!

Let’s connect

I always enjoy a good conversation.
I like knowing what you think and feel.
So I will thank you in advance for your comments 🙂

Speak soon!
Roald

There are ways to experience orgasm that last much longer,
and are way more fulfilling than 5-second ejaculations.

You can feel much more charged, attractive and sexually fulfilled
than you previously thought possible.

And you will actually feel the ripple effect in all other areas of your life.

Redefining Orgasm

First of all, let’s talk about the definition of orgasm.
Normally we only associate this word with the sexual act.
But that’s a very narrow definition:
ALL of life can be an orgasmic experience.

Let’s look at what orgasm is in it’s essence:
It’s a deep release, a relief, a surrender, an opening, a great relaxation.

The pleasure experienced when opening deeply,
is a broader definition of orgasm I’d like to use here.
When seen from this perspective, everything can be orgasmic.

Crying, looking into someones eyes, receiving a massage, giving a massage,
laughing, dancing, even dying can be orgasmic!

The deeper your ability to surrender, the more you’ll experience this.

How to be more orgasmic

So what follows then, is that the way to increase this potential is
to release resistance.
And the way to dampen it, is to increase resistance,
stress and tension.

Yes, it’s as simple as it sounds: The more you resist your life experience,
the crappier you feel.
The more you stay present with your life experience,
and open through it, the more orgasmic you become as a being.
Man or woman.

Inner Guidance

For every choice you make, and every thought you think, you can ask yourself:

Does this feel light or heavy? Does it give me relief or stress, to see it this way?
Does this make me feel more open, or more closed down?

It’s your inner guidance letting you know
if you’re in integrity with your true values.

You want to nourish yourself with foods, thoughts, activities,
with relationships, that raise your vibration. That uplift you.

And make you feel more open and alive.

You are what you eat

You can imagine that if you stuff yourself with junk food every single day,
you’ll feel vastly different from when you eat healthy, organic foods.

If you watch the news and follow all of the terrible things that are happening in the world today,
you’ll feel vastly different from when you choose to spend your time in the silence of nature.

If your relationships are filled with reactionary behavior, negativity and power struggles,
you’ll feel very different from when they’re filled with listening,
authenticity and compassion.

How aware are your choices in what you feed yourself with?
Do you trust your inner voice, or do you believe someone else’s story?
Can you be true to yourself and live life on your own terms?

You are how you eat

You can eat very healthy foods every day and hate it.
You can also eat sorta kinda ok food, and totally love it.

What you bring into your system is important, but how you bring it
is even more important.

Is it good for you uniquely?

What is being orgasmic really?

Let’s go back to orgasm and sexuality.

The degree to which you are sexually orgasmic
-highly sexual, turned on, filled with pleasure, open and flowing, charged and ready-
fully depends on how open you are.

The degree to which you can stay hard, last longer,
give and receive amazing pleasure (without the need to ejaculate),
all depends on how open and “relaxed” you are.

The more uninhibited (or un-tense) you feel,
the more love flows through your heart,
the greater your orgasmic potential will be.

Orgasm is the pleasure of openness and surrender to your experience.
This is why laughing, crying, dancing, eating, etc. can be orgasmic experiences.

And your daily life choices will either support you in being open and in a state of flow,
or they will “support” you in closing down and feeling tense.

These daily choices will reflect in how you relate to others,
how you feel about yourself, and how you have sex.

Examples from your own life

Can you think of which behaviors and
environmental factors in your own life cause you stress?
And which help you to feel more open and connected?

Bringing awareness into these areas and making conscious choices will
serve you more on the path to becoming multi-orgasmic
than any technique ever will.

Don’t get me wrong: technique is incredibly valuable, but without the right foundation
it’s like building a house on quicksand: Nice stones, nothing to rest upon.

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Let’s talk

Thanks for reading!
Let me know if this has been valuable for you,
and feel free to share your take on orgasm, and life, and all this stuff.
Looking forward to the conversation!

Roald

 

5 years ago, me and two of my friends started a men’s group.
Since then we have grown to a group of nine brothers,
committed to meet every two weeks, be each other’s mirror,
and support one another throughout life’s challenges.

We have grown through several stages of development,
and dealt with issues like anxiety, depression, addiction,
failed relationships, business success and failure, suicide and childbirth.

Over the years, a very deep sense of brotherhood has grown between us,
and I can confidently say that I fully trust them to have my back.

This kind of friendship and commitment feels invaluable to me in a world
where so many people suffer from loneliness, depression and lack of connection.

Shared experience

Especially for us men, who tend to retreat into our cave (alone) when things get rough,
it’s incredibly valuable to learn to reach out to others.
We learn that we are accepted in the midst of all our perceived weaknesses and failings.

We learn that what we feel most ashamed of, or judgmental about,
is an experience, shared by many others.
And we learn that when we feel at our most vulnerable,
we are still fully welcomed and celebrated.

Evolution

Yesterday evening we had another one of our gatherings.
And already at the start, as we greeted each other with hugs,
I noticed the evolution we had gone through.

I remember that two or three years ago, we would still hold some kind of
facade of toughness and closure, and an unwillingness to fully show up.

Now I sensed a great willingness to meet each other, both in power
and in vulnerability.

Trust

At the start of the evening I felt pretty fucked up:
Sad, scared, stuck, and at a loss with my life.

Judgments about not living fully, not being good enough,
and not being able to see my own worth, haunted me.

In the group, I took time to share this.
Sitting around the campfire with the others, I expressed my state of being.

Telling them my story helped me to feel seen and heard.
Before long, I was crying my eyes out in front of this group of men,
feeling both my grief and the immense power of my gifts to the world.

Our hearts were blown wide open, everyone felt touched and alive.
And every single man recognized himself in my words.

Being held by the powerful shared presence of the brotherhood
helped me to jump head first into this experience.
And it showed me how much my trust has deepened throughout the years.

The essence

It made me realize that I am now able to connect to my friends, and people in general,
on such a profound level, that I can only be grateful.

And even though I still don’t have my shit together
-reliable sources tell me nobody actually does, or ever will-
the ability to stay present with my inner world has grown.

To such an extent that I notice a relaxation,
a spaciousness, a deep love, which is slowly taking over my life.
And I become more and more willing to hand over my life to the unknown.

I don’t always understand it (who does?), but I do know that it feels good.

And I believe this is the essence that creates a life worth living.
Not needing circumstances to be perfect -good luck with that!-
but being deeply ok with whatever arises.

Or, as my ex-girlfriend Ronja would say: “The all-pervasive ok-ness of being”.

Tribute

I want to share this experience as a tribute to my brothers:
I am proud of them, and I love them.
And also to all men around the world who gather in groups like this.

This work is an invaluable part of the evolution to our next stage of manhood.
I believe it shows a way out of loneliness, not-dealing with your emotions,
and figuring it all out by yourself.

If you’re not part of this kind of network yet,
I invite you to connect with us at the Real Men Project.

We don’t do quick-fixes, 10-steps-to-fucking-a-hot-woman, or the 3 keys to ultimate happiness,
but we DO do real transformational work that, in my experience,
stays with you for the rest of your life.

We stand for that. And I’m proud of it.

Thanks for reading,
let me know what you think in the comments!

Roald

When I started writing this blog, I felt afraid.

I realize it was because I wanted to prove myself to you.
I wanted to prove that I know how it all works,
that I’ve got it down.

The Sexual Power Man, who knows the ins and outs.
So that you will trust me, and take my workshops, courses and sessions.

But it’s tiring to try being that guy,
and to project a certain image into the world.

What I want above all else, is to make a real connection here.

Walk the talk

I speak about being authentic,
and sometimes it turns around and looks me in the face.
Because I don’t wanna get away with being a fake.

I’ve seen too many teachers on my path who say one thing,
and live something completely different.
And I don’t want to be like that. I want to be true to my word.

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So I’ll take the risk of you losing trust in me,
because I’m not a teacher who knows and lives everything perfectly.

I fuck up, just like you. Maybe even more, I don’t know.
I also need support, and sometimes I forget to ask for it.
And yes, I also look for fulfillment outside of myself.
And when I’m in a crap mood, I curse the shitty weather.

Tantra, sex and relationships

At the same time, I do believe in the value I share
about sexuality and relationships.

Sure, I still have my question marks about this whole game.
But I’ve also learned valuable and deep practices
that enable me to have beautiful connections.

And I want to share their importance:

To listen with all your senses,
Artful touch to open your lover,
Being fully present with all kinds of feelings and sensations.

Learning to surrender,
Being naked and vulnerable,
Expressing full power.

The depth of connection I often experience with brothers, friends and lovers
is truly amazing, and there’s no end to that depth as far as I can see.

Beyond technique

Even though in our program we work with several powerful techniques,
in the end it’s not about technique at all. It’s about a way of being.
And I LOVE that.

Sexual techniques will train your focus, and open your system.
They will also open you more deeply to who you really are.

So that you can experience more of your nature,
as an orgasmic and ecstatic being.

I believe true sexual mastery is equivalent to Life mastery:
It’s great to learn the steps, play the scales, and expand your sexual vocabulary.
But in the end it’s like dancing:

You let go of the technique and surrender to the music.
Your dance becomes spontaneous.
Present. Here and now.

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Pure pleasure.

Tripping over my feet

So here I am.
I have experienced all these things. I’ve had years of practice.
I still trip over my own feet sometimes.
And I’m actually becoming ok with that.

I hope that with todays blog, I can convey to you
the most important practice I have learned:

Being real. Unguarding your heart. Revealing yourself.
To me, this is the essential teaching.

Without this, technique is just a hollow shell.
It won’t change anything fundamentally.

The Power of being Real

Whenever I think I have to keep up appearances, it creates tension.
But the moment I drop my mask and allow myself to be seen as I am, I relax.
The people around me relax.
I open up, and my whole energy system opens up.

I believe that the tantric path, or the path of Sexual Power if you will,
is one of ultimately dropping all your masks.

Yes, it feels scary to be that vulnerable!
But with practice it becomes -sort of- easier.
And extremely liberating.

Can you imagine what it would feel like to be totally at ease with yourself?
In any situation, with anyone?

By releasing this tension that’s built up throughout your life,
you regain enormous amounts of psychic energy.

And this allows you to be much more open, sensitive, and alive.
It empowers you to see and live the possibilities that existence offers.

That, my brother, is what I call Sexual Power.
Life-creating Power.
It touches everything.

Let’s connect

If you appreciate what you’re reading, let me know:
Leave your comment below.

I want to know what it touches in you.
And I want to know what’s important in your life.

Feel free to share this article with your friends.
Thanks for reading, speak soon!

Roald

It’s a paradoxical thing: in this time of worldwide connectedness,
there’s so much less real connection.
The question is: Are we connecting the dots here?

We are surrounded by more “new, better, faster and shinier” than ever,
and still find ourselves looking for the next experience.

We are so virtually connected, yet disconnected on a personal, bodily, visceral level.

It’s a rarity nowadays, to be in a space full of people and have someone
not checking their smartphone.

Virtual Life

For many people it’s normal to wake up with their smartphone, spend the day
behind a screen, and finish the day with their small screen.

What we barely realize is by living this highly wired life, we bring our brains in a
near-permanent state of high-beta brainwaves: a state of stress.

It feels like time is moving faster, so you experience having less time.
You get more easily distracted, making it harder to focus on what matters,
and even know what really matters.

It makes you function on a more mental level, being less and less embodied.

The connection to your body and feelings becomes superficial.
In order to feel sensation and connection, you need stronger stimuli.

My Digital Detox

Now I’m a bodyworker. I work and play with the body a lot.
I have quite a good connection to my body and my feelings.

But I have to admit that I was quite amazed at the effects I experienced
after only a week of digital detoxing:

√Much more time
√Better sleep
√Calmer, more focused mood
√More enjoyment of food, music and simple things
√More time for everything I do, and more attentiveness to it
√Stronger sense of connectedness to the moment

I no longer get the sense like I have to be somewhere else where it is happening.
Bye bye FOMO!

Sometimes less is more.

True Intimacy

We all want to feel alive, free, connected and happy.
And the only way we can truly experience this,
is by being fully in the here and now.

Modern digital life stimulates the notion that this fulfillment is to be found somewhere else.
It’s a bit like being lured with a carrot on a stick (in this case: a new gadget on a selfie-stick).

I call it There and Then.

Connection

One of the most direct ways to drop into the present moment,
is deep connected breathing.

Just pause for a second and take ten deep breaths.
And feel the difference…

This direct experience is totally magical and completely simple.

It is by being very close to this moment that you realize:
everything I need is already here.

Slow down

Ok, that sounds nice, but in order for it to actually make sense,
we need to slow down…

By taking more time off from our screens, we calm our agitated brains.
They start to produce more alpha brainwaves,
associated with relaxation and meditation.

Being too digitally “connected” makes us crave for more, yet not find it.
Because it’s not in more, it’s in deeper.
To cure our addiction to more, better, faster, we need deeper connection.

This “slowing down” then naturally creates the kind of real intimacy
that you probably thought of first when you read the title of this article.
Enjoy!

.

Thanks for reading, speak soon!
Roald