Why does she keep testing me?
Have you ever had a woman try you out, challenge you or (shit-)test you?
Has it ever seemed like she was trying to get you confused and off-balance?
If so, you know what I mean.
Why is it that women test us?
Isn’t life challenging enough without it?
Can’t we just simply get along?
Testing can happen for several reasons, but the main reason I see is this one:
She wants to know if she can really trust you.
You might say: But I am trustable! I am honest, just ask my friends!
Well, that’s not exactly the kind of trust that a woman is after.
What she’s longing for, is to feel she can safely surrender to you.
It’s where you say: ”I got this”, and you actually do.
Many women that I meet have some issue with trusting men.
It’s much more common than we realize.
Somewhere along the way boundaries have been crossed,
and their trust was violated.
I’ll be the first to admit that I have crossed my fair share of boundaries.
I’ve been an asshole and an untrustworthy fucker at times.
So I’m not pretending to be better than I am.
We’re in this together.
Now I imagine you saying: “Hey, but what about the women?”
And of course, women aren’t holy creatures either.
We all mess up from time to time.
But for the sake of the article, that’s not the point here.
The question is: “What can I do and be, to (re)gain the trust of a woman,
so that she will open to me?”.
How can you have her surrender her gorgeous beauty, for both to enjoy?
I mean, that’s the nectar that we all want to drink right?
How awesome does it feel to have a woman open up to you in deep trust,
in all of her juiciness, lusciousness and wildness?
How grand, powerful and king-like does it feel when that happens?
And how small, insecure and like failure can it feel when she doesn’t?
Macho’s and wimps
(Generalizing-alert, but stay with me for a moment):
In a world where she sees many insensitive macho’s on the one hand,
and a bunch of sensitive wimps on the other,
it can feel hard for a woman to really surrender.
On the one hand she wants to protect her boundaries,
lest she might be taken advantage of.
On the other hand she’s tired of reassuring guys, and telling them what to do,
because they’re too much of a nice guy to take initiative.
Damn, it’s a complicated case.
Presence and integrity
What most women long for, is a man who has an embodied presence
(he’s not just a talking head), so she can trust him to actually be here now.
He is able to stay present and open with the different tides of emotions,
which will have her trust that their connection won’t be broken,
even when the seas get rough.
He is sensitive, so she can trust him to make a real connection and feel into her.
He knows what he does and doesn’t want, so she can trust him to be in integrity
with his values, even when she doesn’t like it.
She can trust that his “no” means no, and his “yes” really means yes.
Women are very receptive beings. A woman can feel your presence in her body.
She feels the impact you have on her,
even without actually touching or talking to you.
If you hold yourself in a way that is tense or resistant,
if you’re suppressing certain feelings,
a woman often senses this before you can.
When you disallow a certain feeling, she will feel in her body,
what you don’t want to feel in your body.
And therefore associate you with that tension.
If, on the other hand, you can stay present & open with your inner state,
whether it’s pleasant or unpleasant,
she will feel presence and openness with you, and associate you with that.
If you practice embodied presence, for instance by meditating, bodywork,
movement practice, breath work and the likes,
this will enable you to stay present with your own deeper feelings.
This will make you more attractive to a woman, because she unconsciously senses
that you can hold space for more energy than the average guy.
Which means more space for her to fully be.
All that she is.
And all of her she doesn’t even know yet…
The 10-step Plan.
If you want to gain a woman’s trust and surrender,
there aren’t any particular moves to make or things to say.
There isn’t a 10-step plan to accomplish.
There’s no short-cut.
The only way is to do your inner work.
By feeling your body, and accessing your emotions and feelings,
you pave the way to being a man who is trustworthy and in integrity.
By looking in the so-called mirror, open to what you meet on ever deeper levels,
you become the kind of man who is deeply trustworthy.
A man who knows what he stands for, and finds honour in that.
This has a woman trust and open up to you in ways that go beyond your wildest dreams.
No tricks, just authentic presence.
You don’t have to be perfect. None of us are.
It’s a continuous journey, and so far there’s no end in sight…