If you love a flower, don’t pick it up.
Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love.
So if you love a flower, let it be.
Love is not about possession.
Love is about appreciation.

Osho

Fire and Water

I love the analogy of men being like fire, and women being like water.
Sexually, a man can get turned on real easy and quickly.
It doesn’t take long for him to get hard, for his body to be ready for sex.

A man can have sex and ejaculate within a few minutes.
The fire ignites quickly, reaches a peak of explosion, and then dies down,
having consumed all of it’s fuel.

(And according to research, this is how most men have sex unfortunately.
Because they have no idea what they’re missing.
But wait, I’m getting ahead of myself here).

Sexually, a woman is more like water. She needs time to warm up.
She needs a constant influx of warmth and heat to turn her on.
It takes some time, but once she’s boiling, she stays hot for a looong time.

She can go on and on and on…

Orgasmic Beings

Women are highly orgasmic beings, much more so than us.
And as the men who love them, we have the privilege to touch them in ways that open them.
And enjoy orgasms together on deeper and deeper levels.

But in order to ride those waves of pleasure,
we need to learn to handle our sexual fire.
And that’s not just a matter of getting some techniques, it includes all of who we are.

Can I handle my explosive desire so that I’m able to feel what she needs to open?
Can I use my fire with patience so that she can heat up increasingly, without me losing it?

Every compliment, every gesture, cuddle and look;
every word can be something that turns her on a little more.
It’s an art.
What can I give so that she will feel deeper trust, relaxation, openness?

It’s not about me getting something at the end of the line (fucking! sex! happy!)
It’s about enjoying her fully, all the way, all the time.
Every little detail of her beauty, her radiance, her sensuality.

The power of our fire

What women don’t always understand is how powerful our sexual fire is.
Once we get turned on, it’s such a strong force, that a first tendency will be
to want to get rid of it.

The intensity of our sexual desire can sometimes feel very uncomfortable,
painful even, if we can’t fully allow it.
I get it.

This is why, when men hear about “letting go of ejaculation” for the first time,
they rarely respond with enthusiasm.
Maybe I should talk about “having orgasms for hours on end”.
Sounds better?

I experience sexual energy as a strong force that starts in my balls and cock,
and then makes it’s way up through my belly, my solar plexus,
my heart and my throat.

It shoots upwards, and wants to open these centers of power (solar plexus),
heart, and expression (throat).

If I’m not ready to open, it will feel like an unpleasant tension (blue balls!),
and I’ll most likely choose to ejaculate, so that the energy doesn’t have to rise all the way up.

To open a woman

So in order for me to be with a woman, and give her deep pleasure,
I need to be willing to open up, to feel, to get vulnerable.

Vulnerable in the sense that my heart will be touched by her,
and I’ll feel naked in front of her.
But also vulnerable in the sense of showing my strong desire,
my masculine power, and expressing myself through sounds and words.

Do I dare say that I love her, or how deeply I enjoy her?
Do I dare express how much I want to fuck her juicy wet pussy
and devour her sexy body, in all it’s explicitness?

Can I allow myself to moan and groan and sigh with lust and passion?

Fuck Talk

I once met a gorgeous young woman at a friend’s party.
We talked a little, exchanged some massage, and we later connected on Facebook.
It became apparent early on that we wanted to see each other.

During our conversation, things turned increasingly sexual and hot.
I was finding more and more sexual ways of speaking to her,
and she expressed how her body responded in kind.

We were already having sex with words:
I was fuck-talking her into a state of high arousal.

Every day after that, we sent each other short, turned-on messages.
And when we finally saw each other, three days later,
she was so extremely turned on (me too, by the way)
that very little was needed to bring her in an orgasmic state of surrender.

We had such an amazing time together:
Real connection, incredible sex, oh my god!
And many times after that, by the way.

I’m using this as an example because it shows how we can play the game
of turning each other on for days on end,
and increase the sexual energy more and more with each little thing we do.

If you want a great example of how not to do it, check out this hilarious clip.

Tip of the iceberg

There’s so much more I can say about this. So much we could talk about.
So many things to learn.
That’s exactly why I offer the Sexual Power Program.

To go deep enough into this material we need to dedicate our time and energy to it.
We need to come together to learn and practice.

But for now, let’s talk here.
Share your comments, tell me what you think!

Thanks for reading, speak soon
Roald

15 gedachten over “How to open a woman sexually”

  1. Hey. A little off-topic, but. The sexual program got me real curious but there’s no chance for me to meet as I’m quite far away from where you are. I’d love to do some practice, is there anything I can do on my own?

    1. Hey Max, there’s all kinds of practice you can do,
      but I’d like to give you something that is a good fit for where you are at the moment.

      You can shoot me a message at roald@realmenproject.nl, let me know
      where you’re at right now, and what your wishes are.
      Happy to help!

  2. No real man here, maar een vrouw die vindt dat je een prachtig stuk hebt geschreven. Ik voel de doorleefde oprechtheid in je woorden. Wat mooi dat je mannen hierin samenbrengt, ze opent voor het wonder van sacred sexuality. Het is nodig dat de wereld dit weet en dit gaat doen en ZIJN.
    Aho lieve brother, keep shining!

  3. Mooi!
    Lekker geschreven.
    Fijn dat je dit allemaal openbreekt.
    Meeste mannen zijn zo niet sexy in communicatie.

  4. Mooie clip Roald en een prachtige blog.
    In mijn wereld is de relatie met jezelf de belangrijkste en niet de relatie met een partner.

  5. Hi Roald.
    That Osho quote keeps on hitting me! Beautiful!
    Although you know how it works, it is always good to receive a reminder. Puts you, again, with both feet on the ground.
    And there is no standard ”manual” how to treat each other because every individual is dissimilar, and reacts and responds in a different way. So it takes effort and creativity to ”read” and learn each others manual, but it is so precious and worth it! Thank you for sharing!

  6. Beste Roald,
    Je workshop ziet er erg interessant uit! Where do I sign up?
    Ik vroeg me af word er ook ingegaan op approach anxiety? Da’s voor mij het grootste struikelblok vooralsnog.

    1. Hoi Marten,
      I’ll respond in english:
      Just scroll down to upcoming events, and you’ll find all you need.

      About the subject of approach anxiety: Yes and no.
      Allow me to explain:
      This anxiety is essentially a signal that you’re out of touch with yourself,
      and looking for something outside of you to find fulfillment.
      That’s why it feels so scary: A lot seems to depend on it!

      In the course we work with the underlying principles that make you feel more
      confident and attractive as a man.
      From that space, connections happen naturally. And they generally go much deeper.

      Hope this helps!

  7. To start out positively: I think it’s cool to help people learn more about sexuality in general, I think it’s a great big positive force to create more happiness.

    Having said that, I think it’s better to see people for who they really are and how they really work as individuals instead of making the above sweeping generalizations.

    What if a man has consistent problems getting hard? Is he not a real man? What if a woman does get excited easily and orgasms quickly? What if he/she/they can never orgasm (for whatever reason)? These generalizations can make people feel bad about themselves, that they don’t work like they’re “supposed to”.

    I do believe there are averages and that _on average_ you can say stuff like “men are physically ready for sex faster than women”. But who has sex with averages? Exactly: nobody. Individuals have sex with individuals and the best way to discover how that person (or persons) works sexually is to ask them. And secondly to (consensually!) experiment with them.

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05-10-2016 Year Training Introduction Meetup

This is a bi-weekly series of gatherings, in which we address many of the themes that are important to us as men.

—FOUNDATION OF THE MEETUPS—
Every meeting aims to create a deeper sense of brotherhood, and a stronger embodied presence in each man participating.

Being authentic, dropping the masks of social conditioning, and being the unique man that YOU are.

These Meetups are open for all men, with or without experience.
They serve as an introduction to our work at Real Men Project,
as well as a way to integrate it into your daily life.

12-10-2016 Real Men Meetup

This is a bi-weekly series of gatherings, in which we address many of the themes that are important to us as men.

—FOUNDATION OF THE MEETUPS—
Every meeting aims to create a deeper sense of brotherhood, and a stronger embodied presence in each man participating.

Being authentic, dropping the masks of social conditioning, and being the unique man that YOU are.

These Meetups are open for all men, with or without experience.
They serve as an introduction to our work at Real Men Project,
as well as a way to integrate it into your daily life.

26-10-2016 Real Men Meetup

This is a bi-weekly series of gatherings, in which we address many of the themes that are important to us as men.

—FOUNDATION OF THE MEETUPS—
Every meeting aims to create a deeper sense of brotherhood, and a stronger embodied presence in each man participating.

Being authentic, dropping the masks of social conditioning, and being the unique man that YOU are.

These Meetups are open for all men, with or without experience.
They serve as an introduction to our work at Real Men Project,
as well as a way to integrate it into your daily life.

09-11-2016 Real Men Meetup

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